It's been a bad day and I should acknowledge that and not stress about things that are, on any other day, mostly okay.
There was a boy that I would fall asleep next to every once in a while. I'm kind of a nervous/anxiety-ridden sleeper - it takes me a while to wind my thoughts down. But it also created this tiny moment that put me at ease. The weight of his head resting against the back of my own - it meant that I knew the exact moment he fell asleep because it would get ever-so-slightly heavier when he dozed off. I like to think that being able to feel that 'drop' relaxed me so that I too could fall asleep, knowing that little bit of trust and intimacy was there for him to rest soundly. Not the best story to tell, and even potentially creepy, but it was a consistent piece in our something of a strange, intense relationship that makes me smile when I come back to thinking about it. There's a comfort in that tiny amount of extra pressure that made me feel very at peace.
So I didn't really intend to do this, any of this. "This" being 1) setting any sort of resolution, 2) timing it around Chinese New Years - and on the year of my animal, the Rabbit, 3) making it a productivity thing.
But several key pieces fell into place over the last few days and now I'm finding myself wanting to bottle up all this AMAZING positivity and figuring out how to take sips from it every so often because it's really been a while since I've been able to clearly look at things optimistically.
- Meeting four amazing women in person who I've engaged with or whose work I've consumed but otherwise haven't talked to in person before. They inspired me in their own ways to keep pushing past whatever it was I was struggling with and keep trying to make an imprint on this industry.But so I thought - hey. I am feeling on top of the world right now. How can I be careful to keep these positive thoughts- which will degrade over time - at least try to keep a semblance of them around myself because things might not be so rosy all the time.
- Making Our Hopes and Dreams with Rob, Sara and Jon. Read that post for more, but suffice to say, I am at once so humbled by the talent of the people I got to work with and proud of what we, as a group, were able to accomplish.
- Catching up with a more than a few handfuls of people while I was in SF who reminded me how lucky I am to be connected to such thoughtful, interesting folks. Gave me perspective on how far I've come as well as helped me set where I'm going.
- Having the care and support of a very select, incredibly special set of kindred friends to not only share the events of the past week with, but also genuinely enjoy time with. There are literally no words for the amount of love I felt from those I have shared my hopes, fears and secrets with and it's... really kind of amazing.
So this game (read the rules here) has a few goals in mind. It's a structure. Which I think I want to try having more of in my life. And it'll help me think more consciously about my biggest money-drains right now: taxis and ordering food. And being positive, combined with saving in healthy ways, I think, will help me kick off this Rabbit year the right way. :)